Ambien Sounds

4 Jan

Everyone knows people dealing with chronic illness, or illness of any kind really, need their sleep.  That’s why I choose Ambien.  Or Xanax.  Or wine.  Honestly, I choose to be unconscience before 10:30pm.  I love sleeping.  And often times I either can’t get to sleep or I can’t stay asleep and for me it’s vital that I do.  Fatigue is easily the most difficult aspect of HIV for me to cope with.  You know, aside from society viewing those of us who are positive as disease ridden whores. 

Well usually I know enough to take my Ambien, close my eyes, and drift off like a good little girl.  Last night, however, I decided to plow forward and stay awake to watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  5 Minutes into the movie I began to notice the light beaming from Russell Brand and the fact that I had 11 fingers on my right hand!  I found this really exciting.  My Husband, the one who spent his entire day investigating his possible cancer and scheduling his surgery who has now convinced himself that I have cancer too- he was not so amused.  Once I finally started falling asleep I was repeatedly awoken by him asking if we should go to the hospital.  He didn’t know that when you wait too long to sleep the Ambien starts to make you a tad Timothy Leary and so naturally, he was worried that I thought I had 11fingers.

When he left for work early this morning he turned on “the big light” in our bedroom.  A big no, no when I am sleeping.  He woke me up, a bigger no, no-  and asked if I was ok.  I felt horrible.  What an asshole I was to make him worry about me like that.  As a result, from the time he left to the time my alarm went off, I was wide awake.  Serves me right.

I guess its back to melatonin and chamomile tea.  And 5 fingers on each hand.


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